7 left to go...
So many things going on as I type this late night entry out..Terra just jumped into the huge mess in the store room, dad's watching footie on TV, gary's at the desktop playing some RPG..
I've got my laptop blasting off F.I.R's "Fly AWay" the only other chinese song next to Sammie Cheng's "808" and Penny Dai's "ni yao de ai" that I'll ever listen to.
Anyway, Lyns wanted me to blog out what I thought of the mails that went from her to her best friend's girlfriend and back again, while she's having her nightly nap.
So, it's very much an ambigous entry (as such as how gimmy would put it to be: for me to know, for you never to find out-hopefully.) hahas.
But anyways, why'd you sound like it's some last letter, lyns? it's kinda freaky reading that. no offence.. but it's rather scary reading it.. especially that first one that you sent.. reminds me so much of.. yeah, but anyway...
Nick's gf sounds nice, to say in the least.
But like I said, he's being immature, nothing much you can do about it..
And yes, you little blood sucker.. can suck up sooo much blood. you can even suck up my blood as well.. you little mosquitoe.. hahas.. okok, just kidding.
Anyway, even though your days are numbered, doesn't mean you can't be happy right?
Why force yourself to be happy when you have true happiness already?
I mean, you have people around you who love you, you've got your parents (some people don't even have theirs and they're stuck in the hospice to die alone) and you've got your friends. Your own room, your own computer. (some people are just too backward) you've got me, the nyp gang.. your friends.. why brood when you can celebrate it?
Granted, it's a short while more before you go, but you've got two choices when you wake up everyday: to be positive, or to be negative. Take your pick.
I'd rather have you choosing to be happy, it prolongs your life naturally. And besides, the more you frown, the more wrinkles you'll get over time.. not only that, being negative is never good for a person.
don't deny what your heart says.. or what your heart wants to do, or has already done.. you'll only feel sad when you do that. And with each passing day, you'll get more depressed as you carry on doing that.
I guess that's why you've been so unhappy, haven't you?
if you think a little deeper, you have been doing that. You might not see it, but I see it as clear as day.. for that small bit anyways. I can see you hiding so many other things. Things you don't want to discuss about. Things you want to run away from. I don't what those things are, but I can see you trying to run away from it..
Am I about right?
hmm.. but anyways, enough of all the asking of questions and yadda yadda yaddas.. hahas.. :) be happy yah.. and stay that way.. actually whatever I wanted to tell you, you've already been told.. so there isn't much to say now..
hahahs..
anyway, today was a really very unproductive day.
had a mental block. didn't wanna study at all. So, I didn't study. hahas.. how lazy can I get..
I finally found Jasmine's and Sham's blogs.. through Kelvin's blog.. that kuku guy.. hahs.. it's interesting reading their blogs..
Here's a quote I stole out from Jas's blog:
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'" by Erich Fromm.
Well, many a times, I just feel like giving up. Just like today.. I got depressed thinking about everything that's been happening, who wouldn't if they were in my shoes? then again, I reminded myself, I have so much more to go on for, so much to do, so much to hope for, to dream for.. Stressful if I had to list everything out, so I gave up thinking about anything and slept my afternoon away..
I don't know anymore. I just find everything so much like a drama. It gets so fake. I can't take this shit any further like a step away from insanity.. it's driving me nuts to watch everything repeat from day one all over again.
I just want everything to stand still, yet, it doesn't, I'm being pushed down with the flow of this long river.. Or rather, I'm already out in that open sea, I'm drifting towards the stormy oceans. I know I won't drown, I'm being held up by the float, but should I slip through that ring, I shall drown deep. But would I allow that to happen? I can't say for sure..
So many things have happened in the past 2 years, I wish I could turn back time, never have anything like that happening, not knowing everything, would things be any different? I can't say for sure too..
Sucks to know not everything is predictable. Sucks to even know that some things ARE predictable.
I guess everyone has their troubles, just like how I have mine, how lyns' has her's, how haydern's got his', how anyone else has their own problems to face, to solve. Never an easy task.. the many times I feel like breaking down, and just giving up...
I have no idea why I'm even on this topic, I think too much for my own good.
Stopping here before I go on too far,
Night y'all..
posted by anj @ 13:01
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