[untitled]
there's obviously something wrong with me.I end up going home feeling utterly depressed EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I mean, yeah, I love being home and all that.. but being alone in the bus makes me feel depressed all the time.
Even if there's a friend with me, the whole 'going-home' thing just.. well, it just doesn't work with me for the past week or so.
Maybe I should beg mom to get me a bike or something, then I can ride home while doing something... even listening to the radio put me into depression...
maybe it's just pms, hurh? heh heh...
oh i don't know.. this is just all too depressing. blame it on the stuff jon gave me. listening to it makes me high and addicted to it. not listening to it makes me all sad and depressed.
psycho music...
*shudders*
who wants some of it?
anyway, I went to debra's place to watch some lame freak-o dvd.. whah! like shit lor... 5566 so bloody.. drama. I know it's a freaking comic book, dun have to act until so... *shudders* ugh, right?
So yeah, watched one disk and then I told her and yati that I'm leaving for home.. just when I was about to open the door, it clicked open by itself, and this really haggard and tired looking uncle philip took a step into his home. Let me tell you, he never looked more happier than to step home.. haha.. =)
then, 2 seconds later, aunt jean came in too... she looked equally tired. So yeah, I wanted to let them get more rest, so I quickly bid them goodbye and left..
aaaaaand, no, that's not when I started feeling depressed. Coz i'm walking to a destination - the bus stop.
Anyway, I dunno, some stuff I just don't feel like putting down into actual typed out thoughts that's readable to others... It'll just annoy the hell out of them and then another hoo-haa will occur again, like how I got into some tiff with the class just the semester before...
But I can only say this:
Since stepping into polytechnic, I haven't once been happy. not once. Everything and everyone is just.. plainly so superficial. It's real enough to be real, coz everyone puts in abit of effort to make an acquantance, a friend. but I guess they're equally scared as well.
It feels like being in back in the past again. where the past takes part on it own again and makes itself repeated. The feelings are entirely the same. Even if the situation and the venue where these unhappiness occurs, it's all the same. nothing ever changes.
I hate this feeling. Maybe that's why I've been so upset and depressed. I don't wanna go back to school. It horrifies me a whole lot. My classmates don't really give me much of a reason to go to school anyway. I've lost most of the reason to study now that even going to school takes the fun out of everything.
I don't know. I just hope I snap out of this daze soon. I really hate feeling this way..
posted by anj @ 23:08
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