and although i hate him....
I still care for him. what's up with this stupid world and trying to be a stupid mess to me?I just can't see clear right now, so pardon me if I snap at you and all that.
I just don't feel like talking.
Actually, I don't feel like doing anything except to study.
Coz if I don't understanding anything in my studies, it can be all solved logically and mathematically. so calculated, unlike my life.
Everyone I love calculates my every step, calculates my every move. I feel so watched. but that's not the point.
I saw a man break down completely and totally tonight. He wasn't supposed to break down. He's supposed to remain strong and sturdy like an big healthy oak tree. But he was at his wits' end, he broke down completely. That man was my father. It hurt to watch him breakdown that badly..
*sighs*
Gwendolyn, serene, I know you two will read this somehow, and I want you two to keep quiet about it. You cannot and MUST NOT tell ANYONE about what happens in my family or my life, is that clear? I don't know if serene reads this, but gwen, if you do, reply to me and tell me and promise me you won't mention a thing about what goes on in my family to anyone over at your place or at grandma's or to anyone else in the family, alright?
Anyway, yeah, I know i'm freaking out quite a lot of you reading my blog recently, and practically everyone around me, but understand that I might not be myself for the next few days, alright?
chelle, char, you two don't worry about me and concentrate on your prelims and what not.. i'm not gonna be my brother. he can kill himself for all he wants and I won't do that coz I'm not as desperate as him. I'm just feeling down is all.
anyway, homework awaits. no sleept for another night. this long routine ensues again..
*slouches* well, update later. bye.
posted by anj @ 23:00
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