and for that flicker of a moment, I find my life's greatest question answered; (here it comes!) only to have it forgotten a split second after that.
=(
it's like the work of life that is governed by some necessity that doesn't give me the previledge to comprehend my answer in life, and let me retain it for just that quite short bit of time.
Possibly, knowing that I wouldn't have anything else to live for once I know the answer of life, I would find things dull, my brain switches off...
and for the next 2 seconds to 10 minutes to 2 hours, I spend my time spaced out.
weird shit happens like that, no?
anyway, I came across this gay blog... really gay through and through... i'm sure my two besties would love reading it. especially debra.. haha..
in any case, if you're interested: click this.
right, today was utter madness.
ran from hougang to clementi, into NUS only to be stopped short; puzzled actually, at the lack of the usual buzz of aunties in NUS.
Thank goodness ChinHeng came around 5 minutes later, but I found the aunties all of a sudden, behind the glass windows, feeding fishes. -_-||
Today's haul is good. Lots and lots of eggs.. Supervisor text-messaged me to tell me "all the embryos have died." I positively freaked out at that.
ALL?!?!? How can ALL have died?
I've euthenized PLENTY of fishes, trust me on that.. either they were for experimental purposes or be it that they were simply just too old to carry on... I'm pretty much numbed out when I see dead fish floating in the waters.
But to have an entire BATCH of fresh embryos that we just got the day before, less than 24 hours, mind, to be DEAD.... that upset me quite the bit. I was in a bit of shock coz chris and I took extra care and effort in preparing that 5th batch for experiments.
All through the ride back to school, my mind was just whirling around; trying to trouble shoot the problem.
It took us till the end of the day to figure it out - the damned antibiotics.
Tomorrow, I will not prepare the samples with the antibiotics. and we'll have to do 4 sets instead of one due to our magnificant screw up.
The one damn line that has been stuck to my mind for the past 3 days has been:
"I have deadlines to meet. DEADLINES I TELL YOU!!! SIX EXPERIMENTS BY END OF NEXT WEEK!!!"
and what have we got so far?
NOTHING!!!
am i positively freaking out by now? YES! D'UH!
uh, bother.
I feel rather tethered about this whole situation, and oddly while at it, I feel strangely emancipated.
weird, tell me about it!
it's during those times, I get that "Eureka! i found the answer!"; the whole life's question answered...
and then poof!
and i sit there stoning for a few seconds before kicking myself in the ass for lazing for those few seconds.
On another matter altogether: chris, next time don't ask why i work myself so hard on this project... we both know I want that grade, and you want it too. On top of that, the usual "if we get this done, our resumes WILL look good".
But more than anything, I have this agenda with myself on setting my sights on getting this damn project done, whether I like it or not. If i'm going to want results, I'm going all out to get it, even if it means spending my ENTIRE evening in that damn lab.
(side track: dammit, forget to get xiuwen to charge the camera for me)
argh. I have spent my ENTIRE evening wrecking my brains over zebrafish, thought about my zebrafish, and can't think of anything else besides why my zebrafish died, and the idiocy of letting them die the way they did, thinking through again and again that the cause of their death was entirely optional and that if i'd paid more attention to my work and thought it through a little bit more, all this dying wouldn't have happened. and i'd have RESULTS by now.
dammit dammit dammit.
So on top of all that other work I have to do tomorrow morning, I have to REDO the entire compound set!?!?!?!?!?
fucking cb, nabei, kanina, pua peh. na hia. @#$(U#@(IR!O#@$(R{)SKDF#$U(_#*@$_E)!(#@
blooody hell.
pardon me if you can't take the swearing..
but fucking SHIATE!
AGAIN!?!?!?
i swear i'm gonna perfect the art of handling compounds using micropipettes by the end of this.
oh hell.
I can't wait to get to uncle henry's.
posted by anj @ 12:37
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