bah.
i hate schoolMood: really outta it
If I should snap at you anytime from this moment onwards, I do apologise.
If I should look like I don't care, it's only because I really don't care. I do apologise.
If I should sound I like I don't care, it's only coz I really don't give a frigging damn anymore. And for that, I don't think I'll apologise. Coz I really don't care.
Don't know the meaning of going to school anymore.
Can't feel a thing I tried to feel before.
It ain't right,
It's not supposed to be this way.
I need my inspiration,
why'd it go away?
Stepped into the exam room,
not one bit confident.
Sat in my alloted desk,
my mind's blank,
there's no words I can think of to write or say.
Walked out of school,
feeling beaten and dead.
Where's my inspiration,
why'd it go away?
Walking on this edge for so long,
where's my life headed to?
Where's my sense of direction,
where'd it hide its ass to?
Seriously, I want to give this whole Life Science shit up. I can't do chemistry for nuts! I gave one-line answers, that's how bad it was. Ask Rayson, I showed him my booklet, it was sooooo empty. I gave all the wrong answers, I couldn't think, and if I did, I did the wrong calculations.
Sorry amanda, I just don't feel like talking to anyone today.
There's alot of stuff that I need to do and think about. I need to sort this life of mine out as soon as possible. I realise I've neglected everything else in my life, just to help amanda out of her problems, only to let all my own problems accumulate up to this stage.
There's no way I can run out of this pile of shit that I'm in..
It's suffocating and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Everyone thinks I have it easy, but they don't see what goes on behind everything else.. I know I don't have it worse than other unfortunate people around the globe..
But as it is..
I really don't know if I can handle it well enough like I used to.
Gary's right again. He's always right, for a mind as screwed as his. Which scares me alot.
He told me I wasn't one to give up easily, I guess he's right. But I just feel like giving it all up and switching courses or something away from anything to do with the Science of Chemistry.
And as much as I really hate him, and he knows I hate his screwed up attitude, he still advices me like any older brother would. Makes me feel so guilty for hating him sometimes.
I don't know..
everything's just a big blank wall to me now. Or rather, everything's faded into the background and I feel myself moving further and further away from everything. It's not a good feeling that I get with all this happening. It feels bad.
I really have to put in more effort and pull myself out of this depression thingy. But I doubt I'll be out of it anytime soon. The dates itself reminds me of something I really get totally despaired on. When the days come, then I shall tell you more about that.
Don't mind my ramblings, this is just my little space to ramble. I talk my own problems out on my blogs all the time, for those of you who didn't know that. I usually don't bother about who actually reads my blog entries.
Anyway, on an interesting but, um... worrying note..
There was an arsonist in my housing estate earlier this morning. Or rather, I'd think it is.
At about like 5am this morning, Gary jumped out of bed, rushed to the phone and dialled for the police. (he had a good reason for doing that, i'm getting to it.)
Gary: "Hello? Police? quick, get the fire engine, there's a huge fire somewhere behind 302. Yes, behind 302, it's FIRE. black smoke, it's getting larger! will you please hurry? it might be someone's home."
*huge explosion heard*
Gary: "Hurry up! There's an explosion. Yes, 302, hougang avenue 5. No, it's not at my block, it's somewhere BEHIND it. carpark area.. hurry."
*he rushes into our parents' room and tells our parents that someone's home or something was on fire*
I was sleeping on the couch when it all happened. So, I'm rather blur on what actually happened, but I did remember, word for word, the whole phone conversation. There were more explosions after that. It was really worrying, what if someone got hurt? I really hoped it wasn't someone's home.
Thank gods it wasn't.
But, about 18 motorbikes were burnt and totally destroyed. Dad drove me to school today in the end, after much convincing from mom that he should drive me to school. (I wasn't exactly feeling well already)
Yeah, we passed by the area where the fire was.
About 6 bikes were totally gone, as in it was charred down to it's metal frames.
It was bad.. owners of the bikes were standing around, faces crestfallen and depressed.. and they were all on their mobiles, most probably on the phone with their bosses. "Hello, boss... I'm gonna be late today. My bike.. got blown up.." I can imagine their pain... poor dudes..
Those were really nice bikes.. I always take a look at them whenever dad drives out of the carpark in the mornings.
So yeah, that portion of the carpark was totally blackened. The residents there put the flames out by themselves even before the fire fighters came.
I don't know if anyone got hurt.
But to think there're arsonists around in my estate.. that's worrying.. what if he burns up my home too? There goes my internet!! =( and my lappy.. and my desktop... and my precious expensive stuff in my room.. Lord knows what mom puts in the drawers in her room.. she doesn't let me touch like half the stuff in her room. She said they had really expensive valuables in there.. Well, not THAT expensive. The real stuff, she'd locked it inside the bank's safebox.
Anyway, yeah...
going out for lunch with dad in a bit. Then go get my Pocket PC fixed. I can't even start up the damn piece of device.
Later, gonna study microA.. I just feel like sleeping though.
I've only slept 2 hours last night. 3-5..
Nevermind.. shall just hang on in there.. don't think I can do any math today.
Okay, maybe I'll try. I have to try my best for the last 2 papers of mine.
Nothing is impossible.
It's just possible to forget that line most of the time, and I end up in the dumps all over again.
going out now.
toodles.
posted by anj @ 12:37
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