9 more posts..
till it hits 200..And I'll be an old bloggist.. muahaha.. no, I'm just kidding really.
Received a message from the boyfriend (the very stubborn one) and he was indeed being very sweet and cute and understanding. Thinking way ahead of me, always putting me in front of his own needs. But sadly, I still don't know how to accept that. (as usual)
Debra was telling me that I was so fortunate to have such a guy. A guy who's always there.. a guy who's so sweet, caring, understanding and most of all, loving. Here he was, fighting a losing battle, and he tells me to walk away from it all while I can.. for he doesn't want to be a burden to me for the rest of my life.. ever the hero, isn't he?
Tears my heart just thinking of it..
why can't he see?
That I won't walk away now... that I won't walk away from it all even though I can.. that I don't want to turn my back away on him, to hang my head down and to walk off like a coward?
I know the consequence when I stick to him, and I accept it.
Why can't he see that?
that he's more of a joy than a burden.
he's my life, my world.
I wouldn't want any other..
I would love him so much more. We will be happy together..
but it's so sad, he doesn't see it that way..
he won't see it that way.
He REFUSES to see it that way.
he's forcing himself not to see it that way.
There's nothing much I can do, really... everything I say, he still rejects me. Soon, there's nothing else I can do to change his mind. What do I do then? get down on my knees and beg? Actually, I'm doing that now.
What next?
It's bad enough that I don't get to see him, unlike the other regular local couples in love. I was looking forward to meeting him again when he returns at the end of the year. Guess what, as usual.. I'll never get to see him. Something ALWAYS interfers..
Are we never meant to be? All the more I have to cling on with a vice-like grip..
It's really depressing to know that he's forcing himself to let me go just like that.. he doesn't realise the hurt he's causing me.. it hurts as much as it hurts him to do all that. *sighs*
Why go through all that trouble when every thing can be made easier when we stay together?
"United we stand, divided we fall"
Unfortunately, the boyfriend doesn't realise that little piece of advice now. I will pass that message on to him the next time I reply him.
On a lighter note.
Tomorrow's debra's birthday, like I've said.
rica and I will go to her place early. Then we head out for lunch. We will go play pool if we have the time and money. Then we spend time in the cafe till dinner time, where we will meet debbz parents for dinner at Marche's.. and after a long dinner, we will go back to debra's place, where I have whole bottle of white wine waiting for my indulgence.. (debra knows i'm in need of some alcohol.. oh bless her!) *grins*
We were supposed to go to Boom Boom Room to watch this gay guy, Kumar, do stand up comedy.. and drink and have fun there..
But I can't stay out late. (damn those people called parents) So, we're going to debra's place to get me utterly and dead drunk. I'm telling you, when I hit 21, I'm staying over at a best friend's place, and I don't care. Damn parents. Haven't they heard of such things as SLEEPOVERS?!?!
I am seriously VERY deprived of a normal girlish life. Blame them if you find me too tom-boyish, my dear friends. I don't interact with females well because of them.
Anyway, leaving you with the lyrics from a song.
It's Fefe Dobson's "Take me Away"
I have waited all my life to know you
All about you
And now, I'm staring in your eyes ocean blue
I'm all about you
And in our minds it comes so easily
But there's a feeling coming over me
I wanna show you but there's nowhere we can really be free
Everybody's watching
Wouldn't it be good if we could be together
Take me away
Take me far away from here
I will run, with you
Don't be afraid
Navigate and I will steer
Into the sun
We will run
I try to remember when I was just a child
In my room
My imagination used to run wild
But I never knew
That nothing's ever what it seems to be
When a dream collides with the reality
I should be easy when two people love each other truly
Everybody's talking
And wouldn't good if they could understand us
Take me away
Take me far away from here
I will run with you
Don't be afraid
Navigate and I will steer
Into the sun
We will run
Wouldn't it be good if they would understand us
Wouldn't it be good if we could be together
Take me away
Take me far away from here
I will run with you
Don't be afraid
Navigate and I will steer
Into the sun
We will run
posted by anj @ 20:16
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