Time to get drunk...
Today marks debra's birthday..I haven't told my parents that I'm going to get fuck-drunk at debra's place, I don't think aunt jean would allow it anyway. Who knows, maybe the whole thing was to see me and rica get drunk. *shrugs* doesn't really matter, I'm gonna get drunk, so you won't hear from me for a day or two..
Anyway, you know what....
Last night was a damn surpriser for me.. I thought I could be strong, really, I did.. But then I had to turn on that shit hi-fi radio of mine, and all those songs just came through. It was just ripping me up and apart. ArGh!!! The one song that triggered that all was Kimberly Locke and Clay Aiken's duet of "Without You"
I didn't exactly have the dam pouring out like a waterfall...
it was more like 3 or 4 drops of tears... *shrugs* like that would change matters..
Khai and I had a chat last night.. before her sis took over the computer..
She was great, telling me to stay strong and all that.. she said she'd confidence in me that I could stay strong, like how I through the previous 6 years.. :) thanks for that boost in believing in me.. I really needed someone to tell me that...
But gin.. I don't know.. she's like one of my most trusted confidants.. she'd always tell me the right things at the right times. It's almost robotic sometimes. Like she's here to carry out saying those words to me. But she's been so busy as of late, she doesn't know what's going on, I did tell her last night, but she just cut me off with "I going offline now.. laters babe" and then she went off... *sighs*
I don't know, after that chat with gins, I just felt so out of it... even snapped at felix.. sorry dude.. I didn't mean to snap at you like that.. it was wrong of me to take my disappointment out on ya...
I had this depressing and angsty chat with michelle.. dunno.. I told her I didn't wanna hang on anymore, that perhaps it would be better if I died really really soon, so that I wouldn't have to worry about anything else anymore.. I could see she was going "ugh.. not another one too.." Sorry to pressurise ya like that.. last night was tough..
Blah..
Feeling down is I one the most tiring, time-consuming things I've ever done...
It really sucks the life out of you, and you just don't feel like doing anything.. where're the endorphines when you need them..? nevermind, in about 3 hours, I will be with two other people whom I can never be bored with. Their presences bring joy into my life..
Come July, I won't be online for longer times.. which means shorter entries *hears the crowd cheer* yea yea... and lesser visits to blogs too. =( that really saddens me lots.. *sighs and shrugs* oh well.
I'm starting school in abit. Scares me to think of it... heh..
Coz I really don't know what to expect in school.. come to think of it, I do know what to expect, just that I don't feel like expecting it... blah, i'm talking rubbish....
Anyway, I don't feel a tad good now.... *sighs*
I'm off on my way then...
Update y'all in a few days then...
posted by anj @ 11:15
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