2005-09-30

today has been draining on me...

Blah, i'm so tired, I can't think of what to blog at all..
well, besides the fact that grandma looks so much alive than dead, I half expected her to just open her eyes and smile or ask to be let out from that sealed coffin.

I feel so bad for neglecting terra the entire day, but while she gets to sleep the entire day without disruptions, she was waiting patiently by the door for me when i got home just now..


Anyway, yeah.. what started out as such a bad day didn't turn out so bad after all.. i even got to meet up with debra and serica to get some stuff from them and eat some food.. i was STARVING. didn't have breakfast, and lunch was measely.


Amanda seems surprised to find out that i'm crying my eyes out over grandma's death.
well, deary, i'm human and i was close with my grandma (only coz she's so funky and cute) since last year..

oh yeah, uhmm.. my thanks to the gang on the condolences.. they're very much appreciated.


ugh, i'm frigging dead beat tired...
so yeah, off to bed now.. byee..

2005-09-29

slowly, they fade away...

you've faded.. against time, you found a place to fight for more...
gone; with the wind.

i'll miss you.




today isn't the day for me.
sweet sorrows and slightly bitter memories.

hopefully i'll wake up tomorrow remembering to bring along my mouse instead of being a cat at internship.




i'm hungry now.
see, bread lasts me till around 6.
but it was with the help of an egg tart too. those were delicious...
yet i tasted nothing. it was bland.

my day's been bland.

2005-09-28

Shootersssss....

Gary borrowed a really good book today.
"Sharp shooters"

while literally asking me to go be a bartender;
i just loved looking at those pictures!

hahahaha...
so anyway, till i stock up my liqueur cabinet, getting the bartender's equipment, and learning those recipes,

i think i'll just continue looking at those pretty pictures of the 'golden nipples', 'blue balls' and 'gender bender' series.


=D

Anyway, today's session at eyecandi was FUNNNN!!!!
so many moles to get rid off though.. lol
i reckon my di is getting better!
i'll ask kin and adrian how to do the clouds and making foregrounds look better tmr..
and try out that layer masking for once!


didn't meet up with ms lum coz she's not feeling well today..

so went home after 'work' and had kway chap for dinner! yay!
hahas...
ah well...



anyway, i hope that there'll be an entire day free for me for next semester! =D
i really hope so!




okay, gtg now.
you go eat some turd and yeah.. go die or something.
toodles!

2005-09-27

google's turning 7!!

apart that 7 is my favourite number, yea..
hahas.. no other highlights..
but i think google rocks. ;)


anyway, today was quite a.. well.. i don't know..
disgustingly well-thought-out processed kinda day.
went to school on schedule, washed the tanks and fed the fishes, also on schedule.
then i went for meeting.. started at like 10.05am.
finished before 11. that was the only great thing that happened.
but it was horrible. poor attendance again. i'm just gonna have to speak to evelyn about the attendance factor.
she can't possibly keep forgetting to turn up for the meetings.
it's unfair for the rest.


anyway, yeah...
so many things to take down and stuff..
we covered quite a lot today, but then again, not much.... geez.


okay, i gotta run now..
hahas.. byeeee..

eyecandi - i can di. go figure!

random thought/quote for the day:
"she's dying, i'm lying.. everything's just complying."

My internship with eyecandi started today!
hahas.. only amanda and I....
so cool!

We were attached to kin for today!
let me tell you, that guy makes photoshop look too simple.
just TOO simple i'm telling you.


wednesday i'm bringing my laptop in to try it out..
i'll have to burn stuff into CDs to clear space and delete all the useless games and softwares...

had my meeting at NYC just now...
gawd.. it lasted till 10.30pm!!! thank goodness this only happens once or twice a month!

anyway, grandma's back in hospital, on the oxygen tank full-time. =(
i went to visit her at like 11.30pm?
straight after the meeting at NYC actually..
I heard my aunts and uncles were really sad about it to the extent all of them cried rather badly.
coz from what i know.. grandma told all of them to go out to eat..
like go get her a drink at McD's or something like that..
so a bunch of them went off to get her McD's at the same time while going there to get some stuff to munch on...
and then later, one of my aunts or my cousins called them, telling them that grandma couldn't breathe so yeah...

off to the hospital they went...


well, yeah.. you know..
the doctors already told them that she's finished already..
no point crying over it...
so right now, i think uncle ricky's gonna do up the master bedroom such that it looks homely and pretty for grandma when she gets home for her final resting place..
she says she just wants to bathe, rest, have a good meal, then die sleeping.
i think that's a good way to go too..

i went to see her just now and i greeted her..
she looked at me for a while (just to register my face), smiled when i called her and then went back sleeping..
she was just SO breathless...
it really broke my heart to see her in such a painful condition..

anyway, rayson asked if i can make it on the 25th for the class chalet..
not that i don't like chalets or anything...
i know this sounds really mean, but I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING with the class this holidays - again.
I just don't.
Even if it's to celebrate their birthdays, i just don't wanna go.
I don't even care if they're gonna celebrate my birthday..
I just..
ugh. you know what? just forget it...
I don't want to 'purposefully' spark anymore controversies than what's already happening or have happened with the class.
It just doesn't do ANYONE any good.
the end of that story.


Next.



i still think amanda's quite 'blind'.... hahaha.. you know what i mean lah, yah? amanda? ;)
i want to see kris's photos... i wanna see how she looks like, and also that other girl too...


anyway...
meeting in a while... at 10am..
have to be in school before 9am to feed the fishes and wash those tanks of mine..
then yeah, meeting.
like shiat. dude.
i forgot to call the seniors down for passing down ceremony.
i can't get janette over the phone. i think i'll have to mail her.
she's ALWAYS on mc when i need her. grrrrrr...

and then.. my agenda?
haven't load into my pocketPC. like daaaang...

ughs.. okay.
you guys have your fun, i'm outta here.
toodles.

2005-09-25

drink drank drunk!!

i was drinking quite alot today!!!
we went to acid bar to meet up with amanda!


anyway, let's gain some in sight to what i did today! =)

my mom woke me up rudely at 9am. (ughs.)
and then we headed opposite for freshly made prata! (yay!)
then i slacked till 1pm, and headed down to city hall to meet up with the guys.
ooooh.. it was SO fun talking to my two buddies again!
Yihan's grown SO much! and eugene! grown up too!
hahas...
we had SO much fun chatting about the previous days before the term "polytechnic" even came into our lives.
we were talking about how anal-retentive people (or rather yihan) could get in school nowadays...
and how accountants-to-be just don't really care about anything but count numbers here and there.. (aka eugene) hahahas.. but it was all so fun!
hahas... oh man.. i miss those guys so much..


then we went over to esplanade to check out the stuff there.. before debra and rica called to tell me they weren't going for service..
so i met up with them as well..

then after the guys parted ways with us, we went to meet up with ninah..
went to get deb's studs before that...
then.... what else... was walking about first before debra's mom and her friends met up with us.. then came her dad..
we went to pepperlunch to have dinner.. goodness! it's like SO delish there!
it'll be my new hang out. =)
sweet.



then during dinner, amanda called to tell me she's headed to acid bar.
so i managed to persuade the rest of them to go along with me to the bar as well!
and then i got checked! hahahahas...
id checks are so irritating but like whatever.
then i made friends with the manager there.. her name's olivia. =)
she said she'd do something really special for me if i'm going down on my birthday!
hahas! =)
so happy.. drinking for fun really IS fun.
haha.. i hope i don't get hooked on it again.. i swear my pockets will have holes too big for my own tears man.. hahahs..

Olivia is so fun!
anyway, we had a drink from a JUG. while we looked rather stupid doing that, the experience was worth it i guess.. hahas... belvedere vodka + lime something.. nice.

then amanda had to leave....
so yeah... she left when debra's parents came...

then we shifted seats coz we didn't have enough space...
so yeah.. hahas... i ordered a Boston Beach Party. Olivia was telling us all about the drinks that they had there.. all great.. ahahas...
then she recommended the boston beach party. acid bar's speciality!
it's got lime and something else (prolly that drop of cherry), plus 6 different types of liquers.. "4 whites and 2 heavy liquers"

it's a frigging power house, i'm telling you.

high like mad.


then yeah.. after that i didn't dare drink already.. hhahas...
anyway, yeah... slept on the way back coz i was dead tired...

i think i'm gonna go close the windows now..
amanda just told me some stupid storm was headed our way.. oh, it's a TORNADO.
hahas...

"Tornado Rita is about to hit singapore"
and she's going about electrical storms..... hello?
i stay near the coast, i don't SEE any storms...
well, not till now lah.
hahahs...
no electrical storms now.. but anyway...


off to bed for me...
hahahs...
toodles!

2005-09-24

think it over think it over..

i think, therefore i am. what?
haha.. i've got no idea.


anyway, every semesteral holidays, i get into that 'thinking' mood.
i brood and think, ponder and wonder...
over everything and nothing at all. funny?
*shrugs* ahh, whatever man.


tuesday having club meeting,
monday, wednesday, thursday and friday having photography workshop.
saturday, planning, sunday is for sleeping; slacking rather.
i'll prolly drag felix out to teach me how to parkour next saturday then sunday i'll slack and plan over a mug of hot choc or something.
i'd prolly sleep in my food. haha!



anyway, week 2 into holidays...
BLARGH!
birthday week; and i still haven't thought about what to do.
freeak. amanda, i want a party... party party party.
dang.


but gillian will be over in usa.. ah, heck her lah.. hahaha...
she come back then we go drinking again.. she can go dance i'll be pubbin'.



haha.. yesterday i was thinking too much, i had nightmares again.
>_<
how stupid can that get?
must be the heat la yah....


geez.. anyway, off to talk to manda and buddy!
toodles!

2005-09-23

WHAHAS!!

today was a blast!
did the paper in a quickie...
went to tend to the fishes, i decided to clean the tanks on tuesday instead of today...
helped amelia to feed the fishes first... coz i called her to ask if she'd be getting her butt down in the morning (that was at 9.20am) and she said she'd be around only in the afternoon, so yeah...

then, took out some dead fishes..
they're like. stiff.
just like my neck. tsk.


alright, you guys would be happy knowing that i won't be going for the class chalet.


don't ask.





so anyway, yeah...
went over to sentosa today!! haha!
met up with rica first over at dhoby ghaut, then with amanda at outram park, felix (and his gang of friends) and finally gillian!
haaaa....

gawd, it was SO ubber fun.
it's better than going to school (and school says only this much!) and more thrilling than golf! (golf, is SO much better than school!)


hahas!


so yeah, we left palawan beach at about 4.30, and went over to siloso beach to shower and dress up...
=D
then we headed over to the go-karts!!! MY GOODNESS!!!
all of you should go try it out!
it's like WHOA. i just love that thing man...
cheap thrill, fulfilled by: 14%

i mean, the speed wasn't that great.. but HELL.
trying to overtake a speed-crazed serica and going downhill is FUN!

=D rica, let's do it again.



hahahs....
so anyway yeah...
felix's girlfriend is WAY cool. =)

and his freerunning buddies are like COOL.
hahas... they invited me over for tomorrow's parkour event..
but i'm meeting up debs and rica...
and yihan and eugene..
so yeah...

sorry doode. next week after my photography workshop aights?
we go pubbing on me birthday yah?


hahahs...
can't wait for next month to come!
my birthday will just be SPLENDID! =D






toodles! ;)



p.s.: AMANDA!!! I WANT A PARTY, YOU HEAR!?!?!?!? you know where. ;)
psst.. daniel... can lend me your house's bar? hahaha...

2005-09-22

so tired...

3 hours of brainstorming.
i LOVE it.


so mind-boggling and stimulating to the brain cells.

i love crystal chen. she is THE best man! hahas!
so nice of her to help me, "Twas by chance", to find that GREAT job.
it's like, whah. dream job.

shan't say more of it.
but all i will tell you is, it's an academic-related job.


=)


shall tell only those i find trusting enough.
not that i don't trust you guys.
but some things are just meant to be.. you know, exclusive?


Thank you SO much, crystal..! you have no idea how that actually made my day SO much better.




anyway, today's meeting. I just gotta talk about it lah yah...
it was like zonkers man!
hahas.. what was I THINKING?!? actually wanting to quit.
blargh!


hahas.. shawn, i know you're reading this. possibilities of me quitting are going down now! =D
quick, celebrate and be happy man!
hahahs!!

anyway, it was a blast.
it's like, well, we all know we're there to do a job, but at the same time, we were all have SO much fun! =) i like that!
i really like that sorta stuff...
i suppose it's because we know of our specified goal at hand, and we all work towards it. Although it's rather hard to explain yourself to like over 25 people in the same room...

i'm not much of a great presentation person, but i do try! hahas..

the last few days were so crap.
so really very crap. not my best days at all... the only times i felt like that was when jan died and grandma too and that bad break-up i had last year.
hahas.. but well, i guess i'm gonna be back on track..

things do look up once you believe in yourself to "THINK PSYCHOTICALLY HAPPY!!".
hahahs.. it's a concept that i've taken to the past 72 hours.
i won't bore you into the theories of it.

but like wor! hahas...
=)
today actually seemed like a perfect day! (well, of course that's if you count having exams a good thing.)


anyway, weisheng's back in singapore! yay!
i get that unsw collar pin!!! WAY cooooolios! hee hee....


have to pay him back...
feel so bad if he were just to give it to me like that for free.. hahas..




alright, i'm gonna go shower, then it's study till 1.30am before sleeping.
i have to go feed the fishes in the Z-fish room coz i promised amelia i'd cover up for her.. hahas.. she covered up for me today..



toodles everyone! ;)
p.s. to amanda: girl, cheer up! i do hope you get more rest yeah? don't overwork yourself on that job and on your friend. you come first and always know that!

2005-09-20

you should complete at least 5 topics by tonight

that's what i told myself.



hahas.. it will differ from what you're studying.




anyway, today's been SUCH a horrible, disasterous day.
The morning spent shitting on stupid things. (not literally)
afternoon doing the inorganic chemistry paper, which i'm not very confident over.
and then it was an impromptu meeting up with my two best friends, (no not my breasts nor your balls) debra and serica, who did a great job in cheering me up...


went home, to see my parents anxious faces. i daren't talk to them at all.
=(


i'd lost my wallet and didn't know it. i think someone stole it but heck lah.
whoever stole it should and WILL die, and burn in hell. he/she will end up eating their own turds. they deserve it.


tomorrow gonna get it back from the police.
have to check if i lost anything not. thank god the keys weren't in there.
so yeah... i had a really bad day.





but for such a horrible, miserable day, i'm still laughing.
i really am beginning to become psychotic. =S


that's not a very good sign, but hell, i can't be bothered now.
ABC, you're gonna rot and die in my hands.
god, whatever i study tonight, you better make sure it comes out, coz i'm telling you, they HAVE to come out.
just make them come out.





anyway, i have ycm meeting tomorrow night.
i haven't voted for whatever proposals there are.. i haven't read them.
i have to head down to the police station once i'm done with my paper.
and then go read those pdf files and vote on it.



dammit.
i'm so sick of school now, i really don't mind dropping out.
chemistry is my downfall and i knew it.
geez.


what was i thinking?

2005-09-19

September 19th, 2000 and 5.

*mega grin*

hello everyone! have you been a vegan today?
i haven't, so it doesn't really matter. ;)

let's see.. i shall dictate to you of my day today.
yes, DICTATE. shut up, if you don't like it, get outta here already.!
-you are such a sucker-


anyway, let's see.. today's been quite a whirl.
not that i don't like it, hell i'm loving it. =)
the paper was on the average, quite expected. though i didn't put in my 100% best that i usually do, but like what the heck, my brain wasn't functioning on a 100%.
it's only functioning at less than 4%. your's only function at 2% so nyah! =P

but that paper was really interesting. i thought it compelled less thinking and more writing.. unlike mbt. that was like a major bitch case. but mbt could have seriously been worse.


so did the paper, got outta the room, loittered around.
I'd thoughts of going for a round of 3 hour golfing at the range, but thought otherwise, not much motivation to whack somes balls till after the holidays begin.
Anger venting comes after the exams.

Met up with Dr Xu, and the peeps from 0405 came around..
it's inorganic chem for tomorrow, and that pretty much sucks.
anyway, had impromptu tutorial with dr xu and waited out for dad to come pick me up.



I was tweaking around with the car's digital radio.. it's quite fun playing around with the gadgets in dad's car. but i think i preferred the vectra's system. it's literally surround sound system, with a megabass and it can be remote-controlled from (literally) behind the steering wheel. now, that's what you call fucking wicked.

I think i'm gonna get a car on my own and install this wicked ICE. it'll rock the shit outta you. that i will assure. ;)
it'll boast blanpunkt's sound systems. it will BLOW your mind apart!




anyway, i think i'm gonna go do a new avvy for my devART account to destress a little.
i'm already feeling stunned by today's overload of information.



psst. it pays to be psychotic.
click on link.




oi, get nightmares with that psychotic smile. =D
i hope you do get them.

jeez... when is that final last straw coming?

Sometimes, I really do wonder what's been installed in my life for me...
or do i actually have to put in the effort to create my own path and face my fates?


i think we all know i do better with the latter, right?


hahas...
anyway, grandmother's in the hospital..
coz she's got phelgm in her lungs, and she smoked too much.
hopefully she doesn't go just yet..

I'm lucky i got to spend 2 whole weeks with her, aunt alice and uncle ricky back last year.
Those were the best. =)
but i couldn't take the engulfing smoke of her ciggs.



blablablablabla....
(insert random thought here)
hahaha... ah well..
(insert stupid comment there)
heh.. blargh!


okay, back to studying.
see, i'm people-oriented. you get to read what you wanted me to type.
;) in more ways than none, of course.


we know you know that i know we all love you.
mwah.
don't fret.


happens when i take too much caffiene.
imma on a caffiene high.





toodles! :d

don't cringe. it'll cause you nightmares tonight.

2005-09-18

sweet.

there are stuff that's been going through my mind so much the past few nights..
I had nightmares just by thinking too much on those issues.

nontheless, I'm finetuned some of the stuff and my mind is put into a daze-sorta situation.



sweet is the love you get from you parents.
blasting fun is the love you get from ye friends.




have a nice weekend!

2005-09-17

i have ideas....

i've got ideas that're just overflowing in my mind right now!!!
god.. hahaha.. i feel so empowered with this knowledge of ideas!
some of these ideas just MIGHT make me a rich kid...
the other ideas, are just plain punk!
hahaha.. and the rest of the ideas... are what to put into this blog page.


I have a new idea for a website.
my blog, that is.


it will be nice.
MTV-styled.
when i say MTV, i don't mean the music videos...
i mean the essence that makes MTV, MTV.


hahaha...
i was watching MTV diary today lah.. so obviously that's how i got my idea.

it's gonna be like WICKED.
if only i can get hold of Javier.
(: he makes wicked avartars...
I'm gonna make him do a few for me..

this is gonna be fun!
the current layout is now rendered.. sucky.
hahas..


so you're now wondering what is it that might actually make me a rich kid?
puh-lease, like i'd tell you of my ideas.
go think of new ones yourself.


anyway, HBD InorgChem and ABC...
then cell tech.
and i'll be SO done with school for the semester.
i can't wait! (=



tralalala...
hahahha...
bla bla bla bla bla!



no, i am not posting anything sensical till i've gotten my mind sorted out right.
so just check back once in like a week alright? hahas.
bye!

2005-09-16

so when I feel like it; i will leave it.

I had a thought that strandled me to a stand-still once more..
that when I felt like it, I would leave it.
I wondered what it'd meant.
was it just another random thought?
For the last few weeks, just the mere thought of thinking have left me a very confused person.
I do hope my confused state of mind leaves me some time of peace and some sort of tranquility in my mind.

Anwyay, went out to study today, it's been a while since I've done that...
About a month or so already I think.
Usual study session with Albert. Did some questions from the inorg chem past year papers...
haha.. today we went to tcc at citylink.. the stuff there is okay lah.. not as good as the one over at beach road. =)


after studying, we went walking about till he was like "ehhh.. can i goooo.. need to meet my cousin in bishan..."
then we got up the trains and went off.. he went to meet his cousin and i made my way back home with a frigging headache..

xiu xiu (gary's girlfriend) is coming over today for dinner.
yay! haha.. she bought me the mahjong game on cd-rom.. have to thank her for that later when she gets here.. and then gary said he's gonna get the ipod nano for me. =)
i'm so happy! hahaha.. finally a mp3 for myself! (although I can say i already have one via the use of my pda and the sd card..)

anyway, my birthday's coming up.. I wonder what sort of a birthday cake I'd get from my parents this year. =) every year, the cakes get weirder and weirder...
Why?
coz the day after my birthday, would be my dad's birthday!
so if my cake tastes weird, it's really okay, coz we had dad's cake to eat..
we try all the new cakes on my birthday, sometimes on dad's, but most of the time, on mine.. hahaha...
Last year, I had green tea and chocolate..
this year... I don't know.. I hope it'll be something like rum and blueberry..
it sounds like a good and safe choice, don't ya think? =P

I'm gonna follow serica's advice on the things that go around in my life.
I do suppose I've overlooked many fundamental things in life for the past year or so...
that is to take things one at a time..
hahaha.. such fundamentally simple things, I can overlook..
ah well, it goes to show that I'm not prefect even though how much I wish to be...


anyway, gotta go now.. need to rest for a while..
i think my fever's creeping back up on me...
byeeeeeeee...

2005-09-15

dammit.

i really hated today's paper. It's left quite a few of us grumbling.
ram, ram... horrible ram...
you and your "I want DEFINITIONS to come out in the paper!"
it's left me positively gawking at you, ya know?

coz there was one entire question on definitions.
Thank god it wasn't "Define Proteins". heh.


Today's paper absolutely sucked.
Dr Xu's words have finally sunk into the depths of me.
and for some reason, I'm hoping I don't fail too badly, for other reasons, I'm hoping I'll just merely fail it and get sympathy grades for it to get a D grade.

And for some stupid reason, I just want to up and out of SCL for good coz I just can't take the shit i have to face all day long. Honestly? It's driving me nuts and I'm pretty sure while I don't drive the rest of them nuts, just trying to communicate on either side makes me think I'm nuts.

Hard for you to digest? then don't read it.

ugh. i'm just really stressed out. leave me be, eh?



i'm in a very very bad situation now. a very bad delimma.
i hope during the holidays, things can right themselves out properly for me while my fate rests in my hands for my destiny to be set.

wish me luck even if you don't know what the heck's going on, yeah?

2005-09-14

Have you been a fobby today?

have you? HAVE YOU?!

if you haven't, you're a sucker.




'nuff said.




Ooooooh! I found out that you CAN actually sue a person should they defame you online.
there ARE such laws! =D
crikey! that's like awesome!

Are you thinking what I'M thinking?


*grins*
but we'll leave that for further pursue in the near future.
should there be a need to, ya know? ;)



anyway, MBT, here i come!

2005-09-13

Somethings.. nah, okay.. they'll be left unsaid.

Title means an entire thing, the entry will be of nothing!
hahahs...
anyway, I just felt the need to blog about nothing, so here we gooooo....
hahahahs...

Some stuff will be gone out from this blog in a bit...
and that will take place in three months from today..
Why 3 months?
oh... because I say so?
hahahahhaa....


nah.. it's some what of the rbj rules that we have to maintain at least 3 months worth of blog entries in our submitted blogs to maintain membership there. SOOOO, yeah.

Three months from now, you will see a different blog altogether.

=D
anyway, time to go study MBT and do some last revisions on Industrial Microbiology.
I have an inkling as to the specific questions that will come out, just reading the past semesteral papers gives you BIG hints already.


lalalalalala......

hahas! i can't wait for 21st September, when I get to meet up the vunderful vunderful people from ycm again! crystal! I MISS YOU!!!! blargh! I WANT MY PRATA OUTING! hahahahs...
and those loooooong interesting talks with Ling and company. =D
Ling = my vunderful sociologist-in-the-making.
she's so fun to talk to.

then, 23rd sept, it's meeting with ying shya at 11am, and windsurfing and prolly try out some le parkour with felix!!!! Damn! *grinning like a maniac*

and 24th sept?
it's CAFE SESSION WITH YIHAN AND EUGENE!!! freak! i love it!
i haven't seen them in like TWO YEARS!!!!!!!! gawd I MISS those two!




ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!
anyway, outta here now! =D
I can't wait, I REALLY can't wait!



ps: fobby asians are asian kids who do the 1-10 hand gestures while taking pictures.
my classmates are HUGE fobby asian kids. hah!
be proud, you! only asians can pull it off well!


Have YOU been a fobby today?

2005-09-12

let's see....

this is a short break.. haha...
:P coz i just finished the industrial micro sem paper from 2004/05 (aka last year).

anyway, gary's girlfriend's over at our place today.. =D
i like her! i like this gf he has now..



anyway, gtg back to my stuff!
cya'z!

2005-09-10

moo-uddering the moo-dules.

I shall attempt murdering the modules today.
seriously.

There is a study method called M.U.R.D.E.R.
and today, I shall Murder the modules today.
and also at the same time, do some SQ3R reading..
while practicing the art of cramming in emergency cases like now.

Thanks alot to KJ, he's got the best tips. ;)





I SHALL MURDER THE MOO-DULES TODAY!!!

2005-09-09

there's a need for god-speed.

it's 4 days before the first paper comes creeping up on us..
so good luck to everyone! (:


I'd like to share a poem with all of you, no, it ain't something from me, but rather this kid called Mattie J.T. Stepanek. I've shared this before, and I will share it over and over again.

I've read his poems many times before, just to remind myself never to let things get to me. But lately, I ignored the little book (which is actually in a CD) and went on in the course of the last year up till today, thinking the world owes me something.


"For our world"

We need to stop, just stop
Stop for a moment
Before anybody says
or does anything
that may hurt anyone else

We need to be silent, just silent
silent for a moment
Before we forever lose the
blessings of songs
that grow in our hearts

We need to notice, just notice
notice for a moment
Before the future slips away
into ashes and dust of humility

Stop, be silent, and notice
in so many ways, we are the same
Our differences are unique treasures

We have, we are, a mosaic of gifts
to nurture, to offer, to accept
We need to be, just be
Be for a moment
Kind of gentle,
innocent and trusting
Like children and lambs
Never judging or vengeful
Like the judging and the vengeful

And now let us pray
differently, yet together
before there is no earth, no life
No chance for peace
Peace.

--




Maybe we've all lost sight of ourselves, and let so many troubles get to us.
or rather, I let the troubles get to me.
I didn't have a peace in my mind, nor my soul.
It's just been empty, yet vengeful;
vengeful and hating so many things around me..
which I have took for granted over and over again.


Before listening to, or rather, reading those words, I've never felt about actually having a piece of me being in a peaceful state of mind and soul.

And after reading the words over and over again, I decided to listen to the song.. the words put into a lyrical tune.. trust me, it just calms your nerves down so much more. Or at least it did to me.


In conclusion, I apologise to my many classmates whom i might have wrongfully hated, accused or mis-treated.



that's as far as we'll get in getting me to apologise. hahas...
:P


anyway, hopefully, you get a strong enough message from that poem itself because I do feel that it has a powerful message in it. (dammit, i'm starting to sound so christian-ish when i'm supposed to be a buddhist. and NO, i'm not going to convert.)

hahas.. so yeah, enjoy it.. and if you'd like, i could send you the song.
good luck for the exams then, everyone! (:



toodles!

2005-09-08

i find it really.. well.. ridiculous...

i find some things really contradicting. really ridiculous.
but i shan't comment. *snickers* nope.. shan't comment.


i've read the other classmates blogs..
to chris, I've commented on your blog. but I will just put it down in my blog just to regurgitate to the rest of them.

I failed inorganic chemistry. no good president of any club should, but i did. i prolly broke new grounds on that, but who cares? they want me in the club, they'll have me in their club.

The government wants me to help them in a youth panellist group, again, if they want me in the group, they'll have me in their group.

Again, I suppose I have to say it over and over again, I've never once took any form of chemistry before going into poly. Since physical chemistry had more of physics in it, I was able to pass it.
Inorg chem is just a totally new thing for me back then and I just don't grasp the concept as well as the rest of you do. Of course I don't blame anyone but myself for failing, but have I ever once said it was ANYONE'S fault that I failed? no right? so what's the fuss with me retaking inorg and all that?

I've been trying hard and putting in the efforts this semester.
Who are arden and josephine to start cursing at me to fail the module in the first place?
have i done anything to provoke them? no right?
so, what're they trying to get at?
or are they all just bored at having nothing else better to do?

I do know that dominic hadn't meant his post to be directed at me, and it so seems to me that arden just decided to start wishing and cursing that I'd fail org chem, and josephine just added oil to fire, saying that it's inorganic chem. I used to regard josephine as a nice girl, never would I have thought she'd be as double-faced as some others.
And that is how things just started going from then on.

With regards to HACCP project, I do apologise for the lack of interest in the project, but I did what I sought to complete, even if it means having to do work with a scorching fever at midnight for 3 nights straight.
I've been sick for the past few weeks now and things have been really messy for me.
Even up till now, my fever hasn't gone off and I'm feeling much more awful than ever.

As for my priorities, I have them set out straight alright. It's just a matter of my discipline to carry them out properly. Don't just assume that I'm blogging for nothing. I don't have to tell you what I'm doing. It's confidential material as to whatever I did the other day.
Please do not assume that whatever I don't do on the spot, it's because I don't priortise. Whatever I do, I have my reasons for it.

Reasons that I won't say if you don't ask and vice versa.



To the rest of you, i will only say this only once:

If I were such an attention whore as arden states, I would've been bragging about what I was doing right at that moment the other day.
It would be contradicting that I am insignificant to him, yet he pays such close attention to whatever I am doing.
Like, what the hell?

I don't even brag about anything like he does unless you ask about it. And even if you ask, I am most likely to give you nothing more than a 7-word sentence. which will be "i am going to the zebrafish room."

When do I even brag? doode, you're messed up in your mind man.. sort your head right before you even bother to type. Actually, wait. Don't even type about me anymore if it makes you boil up yeah? i doubt kelly would like that.

heh, that's abit out of context, but anyway, I do hope all of you get the jist of what I'm trying to say.
IF you have any doubts, don't hesitate to ask in the comments link.

I do NOT want to have another misunderstanding. AGAIN.


To cam,
I am glad that you have made it clear that I am not the one you guys were targetting at.
But I do hope you all will find a solution somehow. after the exams that is.






jeez, I don't even know why I bother to blog about all of this.. now THIS is not priortising my work. >_<


back to the hbd report...
see you all bright and early tmr..!

so things have been cleared up

Things have been cleared up significantly today. which I find, is a very good thing.
Posts will be taken off, as i've promised to do.
Arden, go on with your hating spree, you know you'll always be the.. significant fool of all mankind.
No point in explaining that. you all get the point that i'm driving at.


Whether the class really hates me or not, I don't really care.



But one thing I'd like to share with you:
"Revenge is profitable, gratitude is expensive."


Actually, that's not the quote i wanted to share with you...
the actual quote is:

"It is easy to be nice, even to an enemy."





I have gratitude towards you all.. =)
thanks for teaching me stuff you guys won't ever understand. EVER.
you just did the best thing ever.

cheers! XD

one last report...

and i'll be done!!! yay...
and then can study all i want for the next 7 days.

I used to think I could just ignore problems by just ignoring them.
it gets a little too.. difficult when I have to face the problem practically everyday in my life for the past few months, and more to come..
So in order to ignore the problem, I celebrate the fact that I won't have to deal with the problem after 6 months (or lesser).
Since I will be doing projects and the industrial attachment, I know the greater possibility of not having to deal with the problems that I face. yay..!



Anyway, the god forsaken HACCP is finally done. I have to say I feel rather guilty for not putting much effort into it till the last moment. I have to upgrade the study systems, the research skills, and all that.

Note to self: No matter what, DO NOT refer to yahoo for help. They give irrevelent details.


Okay, time to go upgrade my skills, and do some shitass last minute revisions.

2005-09-07

finally done...

i'm finally done with haccp. good riddance.
now, on with the medications and the sleep.
hopefully my fever goes off by morning...

anyway, thinking twice, I have lots of things to say, but save myself the trouble la yah..
When I'm bothered enough to type out a reply, I will.
But I will say it again, I don't want to fight you guys, that is not my intent to do so.

that aside, good night!

i feel like killing people.

i feel like killing people.
but I can't. so I won't.
i feel like screaming bloody murder.
am i at fault? maybe i am;
i wouldn't know.
i feel like giving up.
but have i given up already?
i feel like i have...

but I don't know.




there are many things happening around me. some i am aware of, some i am not.
In the event of being hated in my own class, I find that really sad. Do I deserve it? maybe.. perhaps.
Accusations and finger-pointing, class politics and immature inflammations...
It may be so that I might think on a different plane as the rest of them, and vice versa. But till the day comes when both sides understand each other, I think that will be a little too late.


Just a little too late.



I'm getting the vibes that they want to see me out of school. I'm sure they want me out of school. It's evident in dominic's blog.
Would you all be any happier if that should happen?
I'm sure you will.
Would it make it any better if I were gone?
definitely, right?

But sometimes, maybe you just don't understand the turmoils I have to go through.
your useless hates and dislikes do get to me. Especially so when it's the whole gang of you versus just one of me.
What is there to hate so much for?
Just because I think differently, speak differently, act differently from all of you, doesn't allow you to diss me and insult me!
You have no rights to do so.
Be in MY shoes and take a look around.
you think it's so easy to handle so many activities at one go?

While I'm trying to balance what's called as time management, you guys all come pounding hard on me with your hurtful words like that, it's as easy as trying to balance what's right and what's wrong in society.


I am only human, as all of you are.
Quit making things so bad and if you all put in the effort to grow up, I will to.
I'm just so tired of trying to bicker with you guys, trying to fit in only to be treated in such a harsh and cold manner.
I have my limits and I know you all have to.

I will try my best not to provoke you all, but in the event that you all should ostracize, inflame and discriminate against another classmate and try to get away with it, I will take legal actions to sue all of you.
Already you have discriminated against me, inflammed me behind my back, and ostracized me time and time again. I have all the rights to report you to the police for inflammatory and discrimination.

That is a promise I will be aware of, definitely.


Stop provoking me, I haven't been provoking any of you.

2005-09-05

blah blah blah

i'm stuck in the school computer labs again...
Zong Yin taught me a new way to manipulate the school students.
*evil grin*

Everyday I learn new constructive things from them!
hahahahahs...
loving it loving it! (:

Anyway, school pretty much sucked today.
Only 2 lectures and lots of slacking.
did minutes for HACCP meeting.
today have to chiong project then I'll be done with my stuff.



hmm.. i think i don't wanna stay in this lab any longer. I'm gonna get a frost bite on my hands if I continue to sit here.
Okay, gotta run up to level 6 to feed my fishes, and i'm outta here..

2005-09-04

like-minded evilness!!!

FINALLY, I've met my match(es).....
people at Young Change Makers are as critisizing as I am.
Constructively.

Today's session at training was mind boogling, but me likes.
I am now officially a "Young Change Maker - Youth Panelist", after going through those god-awful rigid, but fun and long hours of training called the "Youth Grant-Maker Developmental Programme".

I have learnt SO many things from there.
Taken back with me are the reminders of why I want to be in MB doing what I do, taken back with me is an important skill that I will be using next year.. which is to review applications and see if they deserve the money that we have to give to the public.

it's like SO cool man.


Anyway, about today's training...

We had to review 2 grants each per group.. It was rather easy coz all we had to do was to look through the applications, see if they pass the primary and secondary requisites and finally, see if the application can give a huge ripple effect on the public...

So we had "Hats with hair, because we care" and "Uth 2 Uth mentor program".
Both were equally cool...
i won't bore you with the details, but yeah, Andrew presented the Hat case and I, the Uth case.
hahas...

The cases, I feel, were all well presented and brought out to us, mainly because all of us were serious in trying to get the cases done and over with...
the whole situation then, when I look back at it now... it's like... too serious.. but I guess we HAVE to be serious about it.. i'm not great at being serious, in fact, I dislike being serious.. makes me look and feel old.. hahahaha...

Hmmmm... okay, I'm gonna go continue on my Industrial micro report.....
biofilm SUCKS.
gah.

2005-09-03

Camp YCM @ NACLI

lessee here yar....
I went for this day camp... it's training for the Young Change Makers that's part of NYC...
yeps... held at this camp called NACLI...

yesterday... what happened yesterdaaay.....
Well, I thought I was late for HBD prac, but turned out that I was one of the early arrivers for the first time. *collective gasps*

you see, i was NEVER once early for practicals. NOT for HBD anyway.
i think chooi and shailu are SO good to me. they really are. =D

ANYWAY, then Ms June Loh from PA (or rather, NYC) gave me a call:
"Hello?? Angeline? Why are you not at NACLI for training!?!?"
Me: eerrr... you didn't send me any mail, so I thought I wasn't included in it. i mean, mich sent me the mail, but yea..
"Oh... okay.. is it okay that you come down asap for training? it's today through till sunday.."
Me: WHAT?
"yeah, i know."
Me: hahahaha... umm.. okay, tell you what, I'll come down as soon as I settle some stuff in school first...
"Ok!! we'll see ya later then"
Me: yeah! bye!
*phone convo ends*

Me: *profanity ensues*


So I had to excuse myself from meeting, which I wanted to go so that I can complete that stupid IM project. (i wanted to say "screw matthew" but well, it's a subjective term, so it isn't gonna be on this blog besides this explanation of sorts)
Fed my fish (without really feeding them), got freaked out by this dead fish stuck to the black paper in front of me, grinded fish food, watched the year 1's wash the tanks, got past year inorg chem papers, called dad to ask for directions to NACLI before he called back 3 times and telling me "stay where you are, i'll come down in an hour's time, i've still got some more balls to whack". [heh!! i like it when dad says "some more balls to whack" in the most matter of fact way. it's so... cool.]


Well, I can't help it but say that the training was like WHOA!
I could only keep thinking, 'am i in the right training group? this is like shiat man!'
it was SOOO eye-poppingly "WOW." Everyone there either runs a social entrepreneurship of some sort, or have such a STRONG stoic cause for something that they really had solid ground beliefs in.
They've done SO much more, and I felt so much like a rookie in a professional's world!
Coz allll I could think of was: 'Sleep. i need sleep. work. there's still work to be done. what're they discussing about now in meeting? oh right, the 3 ccps. shit. shit shit shit. i don't WANT to be here. wait? what did keshia say? oh. right, i don't get it. personal paradise. okay. haccp. is that my paradise? wait. that isn't. that's the IM project. ARGH!!'

Sooooo.. yeah.. so half the time while trying to think of what's important to me in my paradise future, i'm still stuck in year 2005, thinking about what CCP's there are after the ones we went through on thursday..

Then we had to discuss about our paradise future with the partner that's allocated to us. Soooo, I was put next to this OLD guy (he's 24 and looks like a skinny arnold gay. sorry andrew if you're reading this, but you reminded me of the un-buffed arnold gay. heh...) called, well, he's called Andrew. 24, a business guy from NUS. and he's all about living by the sea when he's 40 and conserving nature and kampong lifestyles.

So, 5 minutes before that actual discussion event began, we were told to write down our paradise future. EVERYTHING about it. since i was close to being dysfunctional, I just answered the questions I saw on the paper given to me.

so, I had a vision of white (prepare for cliched-ness but here it comes!), and I had this HUGE big house (more like a villa), a lake near by my place, friends and my family all around and we're having a picnic at the backyard in the open. and yadda yadda yadda.. all the material possessions i HAVE it all...

and then he's like having this "OH. it's the typical female" look on his face, so I just had this stupid grin on my face and i asked him what's his vision of 'white'.. he tells me all that stuff i said earlier (about living by the sea and all that).. and some how or rather, we discussed about taman negara and my trip there and how modern facilities actually fused in with the traditional ways they have there and yeah. pretty crappy, but i felt like a fool for those 10 minutes. hahas!

then, we had to do this drawing as to what concerns us now to help us take that step into fulfilling what we hope to achieve in paradise future, and it reminded me why I joined MB in the first place. Out of sheer want to be in the service of helping others, I wanted to become a medical specialist.. since I couldn't be a doctor, so I decided to be a medical specialist. It would satisfy me as much as to be an ER doctor..

Annnnd whatever happened next I couldn't remember, coz after that my brain just switched off.. hahas.. that's what happens when you're deprived of caffiene.


Anyway, today, I went to school for inorganic chem rememdials... hahas.. dr xu gave LOADS of tips. hopefully I get to pass this time...
but some idiotic kids with like A's and B's actually TURNED up just to get those tips.. but whatever man.. whatever.


After remedials, I rushed allllll the way down to 70 south buona vista road, to NACLI.. that's the place I went to yesterday.. it's actually quite near 1 north buona vista (aka Biopolis). it is SOOO cool just looking at that place.

Anyway, yesterday's training reminded me of my greater cause and reinforced the need for me to stay with whatever i'm doing now...
today's training reminded me that even though how much we try to change the mindsets of the older generations in this country, there are specific red tapes that will always be out of bounds for all of us. Just so that the country remains a safe place to live in. So it's really okay to go out dressed like a freak, or dressed like a hooker... you could even fight for the freedom of speech in singapore and it's happening though at a really slow pace, you can call for censorship to be lowered and that's happening too...

you know, whatever makes you happy.


but there will always be the ground rules that whatever happens, it happens for a reason, and there's only one thing we MUST never forget and constantly remind ourselves:
that we are asians, we have a cultural heritage that's SO rich, SO traditional, it's full of rules that have so many loopholes. But we must always ground and anchor ourselves down to our roots and not move too far away from it.


Maybe you think "what the fuck? I'm only a teen/kid/working adult!!! I don't have to trouble MYSELF with ALL that SHIT!!"
well, then go ahead.


and when the time comes when you're being threatened at gun point right here in singapore by some ah beng and not the police.. you tell me what you have to trouble yourself worrying about.

Having adults who are as rigid as 10,000 bamboo sticks put together is great, I feel. It shows that they're really anchored down to their roots.




but on the other hand, my team mates, ling, alan and i (ling's this girl from NUS, majoring in sociology. she scares the crap outta me coz she knows TOO much information on anything sociology-based. but other than that, she's great. she started up the awareness of child abuse in homes) decided to do something really straight to the hearts of many and it was pretty radical at the same time.

We decided to rough out and change the mindset of parents planning the life path of their kids when they're only 3.
We did this poster-ad thing.. that's really quite gruesome really.. here's how it goes:

In the foreground of the poster stands a man, who's deep in thought, about what move to make his kid take next and all that..
and in the back ground, a lone spotlight shines down on this little 9 year-old kid in a graduation gown (let's take it to be a little boy) who's trying to commit suicide by hanging himself.. he's standing on this HUGE pile of books and tomes (i'll explain in a bit) and there're little stickmen/people encircling him, carrying place cards that have words screaming on it. Words like "A levels" "Masters with honours" "Marriage" "high paying career" and stuff like that..
and for the catch phrase, it was something like "Is this the future of your child?"
and the other phase would be "Change mindsets before it's too late".

now, about the kid standing on the HUGE pile of books and tomes simply... well, not because he's using it as a platform. Rather, the significance behind it was that he's being piled up with academic expectations, and work, and all the information overload at his young age of 9.. there's not a minute of play time for him and all he does is follow his dad's orders to study study study. Driven all the way to his own death on his books..



anyway, our main concept was to change that mindset about parents always making their kids go through the boring paper chase, and depriving them of a lively childhood.. (yes, deprived childhoods!)


Soooo.. yes.. that's how my day at NACLI went...
walked out with a bunch of us.. andrew, cris and yida... our muslim friends walked with us till the mosque and we bid them bye coz they had prayer session to fulfil...

hahas... so fun man today....


anyway, tomorrow will be the last day of this training day camp...
so yeah....
hahhas... hopefully i get to do the first batch..
hahas....




yeps, gotta go study now!

2005-09-01

booooredom....

let's see....
there's inorg chem tutorial today... but only 5 of us are here today....
suckers.....

oh 2 more just came in...

anyway, while it's Oh-so-boring..........let me tell you how school really is........
school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks school sucks

















BUTTTTT




hahas... we have cool computers.




(:






shut up, go and die, and eat your own shit.
you damn fuckers.